by Tommy Gimler
Are you one hundred percent sure about that?
One of the biggest reasons I didn’t use my prestigious Mass Communication degree to get into local news is that the industry is made up of fucking retards. I mean, “Louis Slung-Poo. I hope I pronounced the last name correctly?” Are you fucking kidding me?
There was another breaking news story in Los Angeles today, which of course meant that some dipshit afternoon local news team was stupid enough to let a “DWP worker” explain what was happening on the UCLA campus, specifically outside Pauley Pavilion. The worker’s name? You guessed it: Louis Slungpue, as in “Louis crapped in his hand and slung poo across the room.”
A massive water break near UCLA meant that much of the campus was under water. And because it’s just so goddamn important these days to be the first news team to report something, ABC 7 let Mr. Slingpue explain to their listeners the cause behind the massive flood:
Wow.
Just to reassure their viewers that they are indeed one hundred percent retarded, one of the anchors tells them to disregard Slungpue’s phone call because he’s “not sure if that was legitimate or not.”
Be sure to tune in tomorrow when ABC 7′s morning news team goes live to the corner of Wilshire and La Cienega and talks to Hugh G. Rection to find out what is causing a massive traffic backup that goes all the way back to the 10 freeway…